Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

   its kinda hard to hide the fact that you farted in the bus when the only other person in it is the driver and you know both of you can smell it

   if at first you don't succeed, what makes you think doing it again with make any difference?

   A blonde filled out an application form. It said "sex" and options were "male" n "female". She crossed them both off and wrote "Lots"

   Pls stop being such ass, I have one enough to worry about. Lol

   I'm not rare. I'm just a limited edition.

   Ur attempts to make me jealous are hilarious and unsuccesful.

   I don't care how comfortable crocs are, you look like a dumbass

   I don't care how comfortable crocs are, you look like a dumba$$!

   How can you tell if your chocolate Easter bunny is male or female? Bite it's head off. If it's hollow,it's a male.

   Obama is not a brown-skinned anti-war socialist who gives away free healthcare. You're thinking of Jesus

   was anyone really surprised by Ricky Martin's coming out? I mean, it started when he was young...he was in the band Menudo, aka MEN - you - DO...

   DONT YOU HATE THAT KID WHO REMINDS THE TEACHER ABOUT TESTS OR QUIZES....

   statistically, 6 out of 7 midgets aren't happy...

   If you can't be a good example, be a warning...

   has joined The Handsome Mens Club...

   I can't hear you over the sound of how Epic I am.

   singing , , , , , chameleon ♫♪ ♫♪ ♫♪

   a master at mixed martial arts and crafts...

   realized my third grade teacher lied to me... I never use cursive...