Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Every once in a brownish-purple moon, I worry that I might be colorblind.

   Procrastination has it's good side. You always have something to do tomorrow.

   .....So people wanna live in "Avatar" world...wtf? Have they not seen "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory"?

   The problem with being young is sometimes we don't stop to think, the problem with getter older is sometimes we forget what we were thinking about.

   might be addicted to eBay considering he just spent 6 hours trying to burn the face of Jesus into his toast.

   thinks cocaine is a good way of telling you that you make too much money.

   Don't be sad, don't be blue, frankenstein was ugly too!

   Your girlfriend should get an Oscar for all that acting she does in the bedroom.

   I used to have no life. Now I have a laptop and Facebook!

   On the road to my Happy Place. Too bad it is jammed with traffic.

   just read about that student who had sex with his teacher....he died from high-fives.

   Hoarders is on tonite. I like that show because it makes me feel like I'm tidy

   Heading out to do laundry with a roll of quarters in my pocket. I hope I dont run into anyone I am happy to see.

   I love school.......its the quizzes, tests, and homework I cant stand!!

   Morning without coffee is like sleep.

   gonna be the new poster boy..... for birth control

   You wanna have fun? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, "The car behind me is paying for two

   i hear you know how to satisfy your wife in bed, yeah,you leave the room.

   from a real tough neighborhood. he bought a waterbed and found a guy at the bottom of it.

   that was one nasty hotel , They stole MY towel