Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   if pickles weren't so sour, I would watch tv and jump on the car. I mean the goblins...never mind..no more LSD for me

   Whenever I sing,i put the cat in the front yard. That way,the neighbours can see it and know it's not being strangled.

   I serve my "fck you's" with a smile. It just has a better effect that way. Don't you think?

   The woman who appeals to a man's vanity may stimulate him, the woman who appeals to his heart may attract him, but it is the woman who appeals to his imagination who gets him

   A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.

   Women prefer men who have something tender about them -- especially the financial kind.

   says Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups..,,.!! :P

   Have you ever been so bored you started a rumor about yourself just to argue on the other end of it...

   Hangover in progress.....please donot disturb

   learned an important lesson yesterday, Rice Krispies and hangovers do not go good together. First time she ever had to tell a bowl of ceral to shut the f*ck up!!

   Today is National, "I Really Don't Give a $hit" Day". 92% of FB Users won't post this to their profile status, will you or don't you give a $hit either?

   Octomom "I can't rule out having one more baby." Really? You know what I can definitely rule out? You having even one brain cell left.

   Surprise n shock as A KILLER whale kills a highly trained animal trainer! Duh! killer!

   Finally got around to deleting my Twitter account today. It could be that I just paraniod, but I swear somebody was following me...

   was using a public restroom today and as I looked at the "posts" on the bathroom walls and the responses to each one, I realized where the idea for FB came from...

   encrypting a secret message within this status. Examine these words carefully. The first one to decrypt the message wins...

   it true? are they finally serving milk at Hooters???

   If we really knew exactly what we were getting into when we decided to have kids, I'm pretty sure we'd be screwed as a species.

   never allowed his schooling to interfere with his education.

   Behind every successful student, there is one girlfriend. But what about a failed student.....? A beautiful teacher