Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   thinks if Bear Grylls would have been in the garden of eden he would have eaten the snake instead of the apple!

   just saw a Prius with that brake problem. It was barreling down the road at speeds exceeding 35 MPH.

   good one Tim. Though, I think the original was better yesterday morning.

   here to remind you to help control the golfer population. Have your tiger spayed or neutered.

   wondering if everyone has an unique Fart Scent.

   George Washington's brother, Larry, was the Uncle of Our Country."

   now I know I havnt really prayed alot but if you're out there save me, superman

   now lets not exaggerate on how good, Dear john was...

   I love Facebook. It's the only place I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot.

   ...is a Vagitarian. :-)

   Oh God! Please teach me to appreciate what I have, before time forces me to appreciate what I had

   googling for Honest Politicians but the search keeps coming as "0" search found.

   found the SPOT Tonites gonna b a good good nite...

   If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

   Ashley cole was arrested for speeding!! In his defence, he was told tht John Terry's car was parked outside his house!!!

   How is getting a bj from a 75-year lady like bungee jumping? Whatever you do,don't look down!

   $14.97 cents of hotness. Which means that although my good looks cannot pay my bills they certainly can pay for a pizza which will give me $14.95 cents of temporary gratification and 2 cents to tell you off!

   Why do men get their great ideas in bed? Because they are plugged into a genius.

   Use Does anyone know how to cancel a bid on e-bay?? I put in a bid for a "Mickey Mouse outfit" and now it seems I am only 15 minutes away from owning the "Saints Football Team"....

   Shin and/or Toe: Definition: Device(s) used to locate furniture in the dark......