Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

   Don't approach a goat from the front, a horse from the back, or a schizophrenic from behind a mirror.

   If the batteries in our T.V remote are dead … Why do we keep pushing the button until our fingers hurt ?

   Who says nothing is impossible. I've been doing nothing for years. …

   Your intelligence is my common sense.

   Pessimism is great, You are either always right or pleasently suprised.

   Don't follow my footsteps I run into walls!

   Got a problem? iI got a problem solver……and his name is revolver.

   STOP EVERYTHING YOUR DOING!!! Think about me for 3 secs. 1.....2.....3.... You have just experienced the best 3 seconds of your life. You're Welcome!

   brought to you by Summers Eve. When your situation down south makes him breathe through his mouth.

   going to go save the world.........its the only place with chocolate

   ..i bought a pair of shoes called "Dyke". It has an extra large tongue and it gets off with just one finger.

   its kinda hard for a gay guy to go to prison... what are you gonna scare him with?

   waiting for Congress to demand hearings on the $45M bailout and golden parachute for Conan O'Brien. Oh wait, we only do that for CEOs of large companies - my bad.

   "you gotta laugh.. sometimes its the only weapon you got" - Roger Rabbit

   I'm looking forward to seeing my life flash before my eyes when I die. If only to know what I did in the 90s.

   wishes Brett would just go away. Favre, Favre away.

   Excuse me,God,but this fig leaf is much too small!

   Happy 50th Birthday Bubble Wrap!!!!!

   tired of people giving me a skewed or heart-wrenching fact, then asking me to post it as my status, THEN mysteriously having the clarvoyance to tell me what percent of people won't post it as their status. HONK if this annoys you!