Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   We own Texas" - Wildcat Nation

   goin to say on judgement day....he made me do it!!!!

   January: that special time of the year when a children's Xmas toys & his parents are BOTH broke.

   wants to know that if god didn't want us to eat meat, why did he make cows so slow? Have you ever eaten a cheetah burger? Nope, and you never will....

   just ran across the road to grab a chicken for Lunch

   silence is golden. . . but duct tape is silver.

   who's the jerk that switched my toilet paper with sand paper??? I won't be able to sit down for a month!!!

   You'll have to excuse me for the next 72 hours. I am re watching seasons 1-5 of 'Lost' in dazzling 1080i and a tremendous surround sound

   2010 winner of the JD Power awards for Satisfaction and Stamina !

   ..have you noticed that when you take "the" and "IRS" and put them together,it spells "theirs"?

   if love were a blow pop then I would blow you forever.

   thought about dozens of Vampire movies and shows for the past decade and wondered which ones sucked the life out him and the ones that just sucked.

   You ever wonder how much more advanced this whole world would be IF we only had one religion AND racism never existed?

   spring cleaning her head, this could take a while...

   at the supermarket dropping Cucumbers and KY Jelly into random peoples trolleys !!

   trying to find the All-Spark before Megatron uses it to transform all of Earth's machines and destroy the planet to harvest the Energon source. Wish me and Sam luck...

   how many people have gone to bed so angry with someone you've pretended to have a nightmare, just so you can roll over and punch them in the head

   Women who chase after younger men are called "Cougars" whereas men who chase after younger women are called "Men".

   Bartending at the Betty Ford Clinic

   (RAH)² (AH)³ + [ROMA (1+MA)] + (GA)² + (OOH)(LA)²