Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages
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In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday!
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..is off to spend some quality time with her gf. Be back in two minutes! :-)
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You never really learn how to swear until you begin to drive.
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They say that three out of four Americans have a mental illness of some kind. Look at three of your friends. If they seem okay,then you're that person.
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If Polygram records,Warner Bros,and Keebler merged would the company be called Poly-Warner-Cracker?
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We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour.
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St. Patricks Day. The only time of the year when people are proud of having a bit of Irish in them.
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it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on facebook people that you do know, but deliberately choose not to be friends with?
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I dream of giving birth to a child who will ask "Mother,what was war?" -Eva Merriam.
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When people say they've "tied the knot",they mean they got married. Or tied a knot around their neck. Which is the same thing anyways.
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Recently, my Visa card was stolen. Now, it's 'everywhere I want to be'.
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A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking. A wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.
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I'm no psychologist, but I'm pretty sure the only way to alleviate the guilt of eating a peanut butter cup is by eating 15 more.
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If God meant me to be naked, he would have made my skin fit better.
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Well, I see no one turned up for the first day of ninja school... Or did they?
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If I had a nickel for every time I've misplaced my keys, there'd be a jarful of money I would also have to look for.
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Wow, it's beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn't a glare on my screen.
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Hamsters are really stupid, but, I'm the girl spending money to keep one housed and fed, so, there you go.
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My baby just did something so smart that I'm thinking of ordering a maternity test
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..thinks having bags under your eyes is no big deal. It's finding the shoes to match is the real problem!
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