Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   more confused than a chameleon in a box of Smarties.

   must save their Midevil babes from the evil "robot-us'es" and win the Battle of the Bands. The future of the world depends on it!

   Do Not Disturb I I am already disturbed enough

   wants you to think of the word "Politics". Poly means "many" and "ticks" are blood sucking creatures.

   Your 90% the reason why I get up every morning the other 10% is because I have to pee...

   He said " I dont know why you were a bra, you have nothing to put in it." She says "Well you wear pants dont you?"

   doesn't have to make sense to be funny!

   Thinks your so fake..you make barbie look real!!!!!!

   sometimes I wish I was a monkey so I could throw poo at people--like you!

   BE NICE to kids...SERIOUSLY they have weapons now!!!

   Cheers to alcohol the cause of and solution to all life's problems.

   I'm so sorry you must think I actually value your opinion!

   just had my LEFT side removed. I'm all RIGHT now

   Dammmmn right I'm good in bed I can sleep for days

   The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved.

   ..is tired of waking up to his antics so she set a trap last night..Jack Frost won't be nipping any noses now for a LONG time..

   not bothered by that fact that knowone understands him, its the reality that most of the time he doesnt understand himself; thats what scares him.

   he can't pull a rabbit from a hat , but he can pull a hare from his hole

   Victoria Secrets catalog just arrived, my wife has informed me that none of the women are real, just cgi and photoshop....sigh!

   applied to be an exotic dancer and had to audition. They are stupid, I know for a fact, that the chicken dance is sexier naked.