Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   would love to own a maternity store. He would call it "Come Inside"

   Men can do their Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on Christmas Eve in 25 minutes.

   wishes I was 12 again. so I could commit crimes without the oppression of the Law.

   thinks that you should embrace your problems. And then make them somebody elses.

   thinks you are so dull that even watching you choke on a knife would be boring.

   Wishes I came from a country where blacking out while listening to you, was an honor.

   Thinks you should donate your opinions to goodwill. They are used to selling crap there anyways.

   Can now be offensive in 3 different languages.

   Would delete you, if I didnt have to keep the numbers up on my friends list, to impress my other friends.

   90% of men like to masturbate. The other 10% don't have arms.

   wishes I was bipolar, so I would at least have an excuse.

   frowning in your douchebaggy direction.

   definitely thinks you're a tool...just not the right one for the job.

   the difference between a goon and a goblin

   Thinks your haircut looked better before the 'cutting' part.

   Just got an email that I won the Nigerian lottery. Finally..A lucky break!

   Found the Muffin Man on Facebook. If he accepts my Friend Request then I can tell my mates "Yes I DO know the Muffin man!". They'll be impressed.

   Everybody would agree that 2009 has been a hard year for all of us.

   If your father is a poor man, it is your fate, but if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity. :)

   Christmas used to be the best when I believed in Santa Claus....i wanna be 15 again