Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   just hacked into Santa's computer. All corporate executives will be getting coal this year.

   There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away. And I have the Restraining Order to prove it! LOL

   says Remember: Sometimes you just have to step back, take a deep breath, give yourself a shake, and blow off the top of your head with Dad's old shotgun.

   Just call her the Carpenter's Special: flat as a board and never been nailed.

   So, the officer did not think it was funny when I hung my a** out of the car window at the movie theater and shouted "Check this new moon out"!

   wonders if vegetarians can eat animal crackers.

   maturity is knowing when and where to be immature...

   Friendship is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel it. Thanks for being the pee in my pants. : )

   on an alcohol free diet. so far i've lost three days

   thinks that you're depriving a village somewhere of an idiot

   don't go for looks; looks can deceive. don't go for wealth; that can fade. go for the one who puts a smile on your face because a smile can make a dark day seem bright

   with your cousin.... in your bed...using your video camera

   YOU HAVE BEEN TAGGED: Send this status message to 10 people and your luck will not change what so ever....

   Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called Wedding Cake.

   not suitable for all audiences...contains bad language from the start and scenes of a sexual nature

   Blue Moon > New Moon...

   Extends his rear out to anyone who wants to see New Moon

   wondering since Ben & Jerrys came out with Hubby Hubby ice cream for gays, when they gonna make Carpet Munch Crunch ice cream for all the hot lesbians?

   lets play carpenter, first we get hammerd, then I nail you!

   not spoiled...... I deserve all my stuff.