Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   walking through the forest dressed as a deer

   so... when does everybody think the sun will blow up?

   thinks our exit strategy for Iraq should involve "leaving" through Iran

   Dating is for suckers who are spending a lot of money and aren't getting any.

   trying to remember what we all used to do before facebook was invented

   heard there was a party in your pants, but she is pretty sure she won't be coming

   hated it when old aunts used to come up to her at weddings, poke her in the ribs and cackle, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

   The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.

   don't you hate it when you miss a call by the last ring, but when you immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail? What did the person do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

   Touching The Sun, Kissing The Rain and Tasting The Motherfu**in' Rainbow !!!

   there's no I in TEAM but there's a ME in TEAM!!!

   born under a bad sign with a blue moon in my eyes

   realized you can continue to vomit LONG after you thought you were done.

   thinks facebook should let you know when someone unfriends you so you can send them evil thoughts. their way.

   Never play leapfrog with a unicorn!

   I wonder if the The Pillsbury Doughboy gets pissed if you poke him on Facebook?

   becames friends with the Pillsbury Doughboy just so I could poke him.

   its been proven that 6 out of 7 dwarfs arn't happy

   loves when people say "I tell it like it is." Really? How about you tell it like it isn't just to shake things up a bit?

   You boys stay off of my yard, there's no damn milkshakes there!