Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A birth control pill for men, that's fair. It makes more sense to take the bullets out of the gun than to wear a bulletproof vest.

   If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated

   I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon.

   Who ever thought up the word "Mammogram?" Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone.

   Don't dig your grave with your own knife and fork.

   How do the angels get to sleep when the devil leaves the porch light on?

   Love is all fun and games until someone loses an eye or gets pregnant

   Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list.

   I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

   A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.

   As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

   Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

   Racism isn't taught. It's learned. The difference between the 2 is you learn from experience.

   Draft beer, not people.

   If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

   Gentlemen prefer blondes, but it takes a real man to handle a redhead

   A fine head of hair adds beauty to a good face, and terror to an ugly one.

   Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

   If Practice makes perfect, and no one is Perfect.. Why Practice ??

   According to a recent survey, 86 percent of people say that they have at least one annoying coworker. The remaining 14 percent don't realize that they are the annoying coworker.