Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Time to take off you Hoser. God speed Bob and Doug Mckenzie
←Rate | 05-30-2020 16:07 by Claudius Comments (0)  

   messageicon My body is the result of thousands of pull ups. Pull up to the donut shop Pull up to the drive thru window Pull up results for “nearest pizza buffet”
←Rate | 06-01-2020 12:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A bar and a bra , both drive men crazy when they open .
←Rate | 06-01-2020 12:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When a Star Trek baddie suffers cardiac arrest, and you have defibrillator paddles right there, what do you do? Shock a Khan. Shock a Khan.
←Rate | 06-01-2020 12:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My dad would be so mad if he knew how loud my tv is right now.
←Rate | 06-01-2020 12:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate to brag but my family has testified against me in court more than yours has.
←Rate | 06-01-2020 12:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon eharmony just matched me with a dozen donuts
←Rate | 06-01-2020 12:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you." -Honest spam
←Rate | 05-31-2020 09:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Congratulations to the astronauts that left Earth today. Good choice.
←Rate | 05-30-2020 20:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon To the austronauts left for space today, can you bring back another planet?
←Rate | 05-31-2020 01:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Purell is the most expensive bottle of alcohol in the country.
←Rate | 03-11-2020 08:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Lori Loughlin is wondering how the Coronavirus got into Princeton and her kid didn’t.
←Rate | 03-19-2020 08:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 87% of gym members don’t even know their gym is closed
←Rate | 04-05-2020 07:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Which fast food place has the softest napkins? Asking for a friend.
←Rate | 03-20-2020 13:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Not to brag but I used hand soap before it was trending.
←Rate | 03-06-2020 06:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you're happy now!!!
←Rate | 07-30-2018 19:28 by Truman Comments (4)  

   messageicon Guys, please recycle. We wanna leave a better world for Betty White and Keith Richards when we’re gone.
←Rate | 05-05-2019 12:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
←Rate | 12-29-2017 07:57 by Funny Comments (1)  

   messageicon With the rise in self-driving vehicles, eventually there will a Country and Western song about your truck leaving you too.
←Rate | 06-23-2017 08:45 Comments (2)  

   messageicon It only takes one slow walking person in the grocery store to destroy the illusion that I’m a nice person.
←Rate | 12-31-2019 19:08 Comments (0)  

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