Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's just like American Idol... Vote early and vote often!!!

   When you can't be a good example, at least serve as a horrible warning.

   Come on guys! I've had to deactivate facebook due to the pressure

   Between every cigarette that I smoke, I quit smoking.

   Good night all, time to give my blankets some a*s and my pillow some head! Sleep tight!

   Dang,,, I really respect an effective slow clap

   If Bobby Boucher's mama is right about football bein the devil then a lot of us are going to hell :P

   It's one hEll of a crime if you're ugly with a bad attitude at the same time!!

   I'm not mooing you.. I'm turning the other cheek

   My phone says it's nippy out. I don't know why it says that but it seems to be true...

   I met the most hardcore vegetarian ever. She was also a lesbian..

   Papers - Bowl - Crusher = TIN FOIL N FINERS.

   gee, the world these days. Sincerely, US Navy Sailor

   Heard Don Cornelius(Soul Trian) commited suicide right after watching the Justin Beirber movie.

   don't smoke, jus take some new prescriptions that can kill you instantly

   Ive been "priming" for Thanksgiving all week and now my underwear has become a tourniquet. Damn I'm dying. They are about to end up in my purse.

   If Jesus guides Tebow on the field, he also guides me through the buffet at Sizzler, so please achieve peace with that.

   Why would people send a friend request, without saying a word? It's almost like sitting on the train and staring at the stranger's eyes for 20 minutes...SMH

   I saw my therapist today, she didn't see me....grin..

   Flirting words = "Big head", "Punk", "Ugly", & "We gone fight."" ;)