BigSarge Funny Status Messages
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The baby in the car next to me is either unable to control his arms or hes throwing me gang signs. I'm not taking any chances. **Locks Doors**
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06-16-2013 21:31 by BigSarge
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Walmart has made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing...... Walmart is going to invade Target.
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04-12-2013 00:00 by BigSarge
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Why does this membership application to the YMCA not have "The Village People" as an option for "How did you hear about us?"
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06-10-2013 18:28 by BigSarge
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So many things that younger generations aren't able to do now: make prank phone calls, play outside at all hours, tell time, tie shoes.
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07-08-2013 21:56 by BigSarge
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When I was a kid they didn't call it "Behavioral Disorders", They called it "A Brat about to get an a$s whooping".
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03-25-2013 15:45 by BigSarge
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I been putting a lot of thought into it and I just don't think being an adult is gonna work for me.
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08-15-2013 03:49 by BigSarge
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I like to eat at Brazilian restaurants because there will be no hair in the food
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05-09-2013 04:29 by BigSarge
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Of all the people who "claim" not to give a sh it, I'm pretty sure the guy standing barefoot in front of the urinal at the gym is the winner.
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07-26-2013 13:55 by BigSarge
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Please drink responsibly this weekend and don't drink and dri......Wait this is Facebook, most of you probably won't leave the house! ... Good talk!
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05-24-2013 16:24 by BigSarge
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I've been playing the Monopoly game at McDonalds and so far all I've won is a double chin and 3 heart attacks
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08-09-2013 21:32 by BigSarge
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If you go shopping at Walmart and no one stares at you as you walk by, you're one of them
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04-18-2013 23:30 by BigSarge
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My outdoor patio furniture is breaking on me now. My transformation into "white trash" is almost complete!!
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08-20-2013 15:28 by BigSarge
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Not gonna lie about the sexual tension between me and this double meat, bacon and extra cheese burger............. It is what it is.
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09-10-2013 22:15 by BigSarge
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Damn, You suddenly realize that you're all grown up that moment when you actually pick up the ice cube instead of kicking it under the fridge.
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02-10-2013 23:58 by BigSarge
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Whenever someone says "Oh you look so familiar, where do I know you from?" I like to respond with, "Do you watch porn?"
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05-13-2013 20:50 by BigSarge
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This week's weather forecast: Sweaty underboobs.
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05-20-2013 15:03 by BigSarge
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The guy who said "It's better to have loved and lost" never accidentally dropped his 2nd Reese's cup in the dirt.
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05-17-2013 22:18 by BigSarge
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I discovered last night that the only thing worse than waking up 3 times to pee in the middle of the night......Is sleeping right through them.
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02-25-2013 13:22 by BigSarge
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Just once I'd like to see a random stranger gut-punch the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
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12-28-2012 16:25 by BigSarge
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Hopefully because of social networking, I've tarnished my reputation enough for anybody to ever place me in a role of great responsibility.
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06-13-2013 04:13 by BigSarge
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