Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
OH MY LORD!! I nearly sat on the toilet without my android... 
Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because he was hit by a bus.
If you think you're somehow superior to anyone else because of your good looks you just might be an idiot.
Sig Sauer is a better gun than Smith & Wesson!
Stop saying "woot woot". It's immature and annoying. Oh, that includes texting it as well.
MAY the FOURTH be with you
figured out how to plug the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico......put a wedding band around it and it will stop putting out
wonders why people think squirrels are cute. They are after all, a rodent like a rat except they have a fuzzy tale.
I saw my shadow this morning. It looks like it will be six more weeks of dieting.
Am I the only one who would like to see Punxsutawney Phil bite the finger of the person that wakes him up every Groundhog Day?
Guy: Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? Girl: No Guy: (pulls pockets inside out) would you like to?
COPY THIS AS YOUR STATUS AND SEE WHAT PEOPLE RATE YOU. | 1. Perfect | 2. Perfect | 3. Perfect | 4. Perfect | 5. Perfect | 6. Perfect | 7. Perfect | 8. Perfect | 9. Perfect | 10. Perfect | 11. Perfect | 12. Perfect | 13. Perfect | 14. Perfect | 15. Perfect
Reorganized my kitchen and installed new pantry liners. It feels so fresh now!
Saying you want to age gracefully is like saying you want to fall down a flight of stairs naked and land face first in pig poo, gracefully.
I was going to pirate and record the Expendables 2, movie, but I fear Chhhhhuuuccckkk Norrrris was there
Sees you just vacuumed the floor. Opens up a Nature Valley bar.
I facebook the way I cook; I can, but I don't.
knows he is a man now because he just found a hair down there.
I think Charles Ramsey might be on to something here. I'm going to get a deep dark tan and fly down to Cleveland and see what white women come running into my arms.
Unless you're trying to change someones life for the better, you have no reason to try to be in their business 