Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Trump just told the prime minister of Japan why a country of samurai warriors did not shoot down the N. Korea missiles. This is better than any reality show, LOL!

   I already lived through a war started on false pretenses to keep a party in power.

   A woman should know how to look like a girl, how to act like a lady, how to think like a man." :)

   n't it ironic that I have to use my driver's license to buy stuff that impairs my ability to drive?

   A new Lego store opened in my town. People were really excited about it. They were lined up for blocks.

   there some unwritten rule that Interstate construction needs to last 30 years?

   angry,she caught Chlamydia from a bicycle seat

   all your status messages are belong to us

   Hey, guess what me and Rudy Giuliani have in common? We both can't practice law in New York.

   This summer everyone should wear sunscreen, so the person next to you won't get sunburned.

   Gone on a vacation with Satan

   "This dog,is dog,a dog,good dog,way dog,to dog,keep dog,an dog,idiot dog,busy dog,for dog,20 dog,seconds dog," Now read without the word (dog)

   Thought it was real sweet that my daughter gave me a hug in the store until I realized she was trying to steal my credit card.

   Hey teachers, stop giving my kids homework that includes stuff for me to do. I HAVE ALREADY GRADUATED. Sincerely, every parent everywhere.

   When I get coffee at Starbucks and the guy asks me my name I read his name tag and say his name and then he's like "Nooo wayy! That's my name too!" and I go like "Nooo wayy!" and I always think I'll get something free but I don't.

   May you have a better Good Friday than Jesus had...

   I guess MACs don't last longer then PCs........too soon IGuess

   A good rule for facebook: Friends don't let friends friend non friends.

   Getting older is tough and I’ve tried to age gracefully but nothing prepared me for seeing Ice-T in a commercial for laundry detergent.

   The problem with this country is that too many people say they want Justice when what they really want is Revenge.