Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Those of you who like food pictures, have you never been in a supermarket?

   This would be a lot more fun drunk - Me, to everything

   When the temperature drops 15 or 20 degrees I am going to go outside and see what I didn't do today! Just saying.

   Why did the rooster cross the road? Because it was the chicken's day off?

   I'm just no good at being sleazy... I may need to go to Britain for some training.

   I'm not as random as you think I Salad.

   A frat house installs a retractible ceiling. “We just can't get enough Natural Light,” says its president. They hi-five for 6 straight hours

   Stages of Status Updating: 1. Whatever. 2. Good for waiting rooms. 3. Pulled over at the side of the road so you don't forget a great status update.

   If husbands get riding lawn mowers why haven't they invented the riding vacuum? I have just as much carpet as we do yard. He tells me we have too much yard for a push mower so it only stands to reason that we have to much carpet for me to push vacuum! RIG

   Freedom isn't free, freedom costs a buck o five.

   Facebook friends are like Congress in that everyone is an expert on subjects and no one is willing to compromise their views.

   12 simple steps to great life in future…. 1) Walk straight up 2) Make 11 steps in front before jumping off the cliff.

   Don't worry about the world ending later today... it's already tomorrow in Australia.

   What was a horse doing tasting Tesco Burgers anyway?

   i once "accidently" dropped a paper cup full of dish washing detergent into the fountain at a botanical garden... quite interesting watching the outcome

   Facebooking is like drugs; It can cause illusions, delusions, silly courage, strength, and power.

   O.K.,,, That's ENOUGH !,, This is the 3rd hose-fight I've broken up today,, And the 2nd one involving actual hoses......

   Screw College!!! The mere fact of owning a Twitter or Facebook account gives everyone a dual doctorates in political science and economics.

   G0D must be a vegetarian. He never talks about eating meat...it's always "daily bread" this and "breaking bread" that and "take this bread and eat it to remember me by" etc. What a carb lover he turned out to be.

   I'm not worried about my babies or worried about my wife,, I'm just a little bit worried about not ending up with all of that in my life!!