Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If husbands get riding lawn mowers why haven't they invented the riding vacuum? I have just as much carpet as we do yard. He tells me we have too much yard for a push mower so it only stands to reason that we have to much carpet for me to push vacuum! RIG

   Freedom isn't free, freedom costs a buck o five.

   Facebook friends are like Congress in that everyone is an expert on subjects and no one is willing to compromise their views.

   12 simple steps to great life in future…. 1) Walk straight up 2) Make 11 steps in front before jumping off the cliff.

   Don't worry about the world ending later today... it's already tomorrow in Australia.

   What was a horse doing tasting Tesco Burgers anyway?

   i once "accidently" dropped a paper cup full of dish washing detergent into the fountain at a botanical garden... quite interesting watching the outcome

   Facebooking is like drugs; It can cause illusions, delusions, silly courage, strength, and power.

   O.K.,,, That's ENOUGH !,, This is the 3rd hose-fight I've broken up today,, And the 2nd one involving actual hoses......

   Screw College!!! The mere fact of owning a Twitter or Facebook account gives everyone a dual doctorates in political science and economics.

   G0D must be a vegetarian. He never talks about eating meat...it's always "daily bread" this and "breaking bread" that and "take this bread and eat it to remember me by" etc. What a carb lover he turned out to be.

   I'm not worried about my babies or worried about my wife,, I'm just a little bit worried about not ending up with all of that in my life!!

   I swear that the restaurant I just left has a barber shop in the kitchen. Hair in food is better than saliva...no send backs.

   Google Facts: It's a common prank in Japan to shove your fingers into someones ass. It's called Kancho!

   Screw you guys who say you like crazy but when you meet true crazy you back off.

   Turn the time release off on my morphine drip so I know your love is real.

   that was good I walked into walmart and walkout pissed off and a headache in under 2 mins. is it wrong to want to flip off the golden girl at the front door when she says have a nice day

   I mowed my own lawn today and my amigo, Jorge, Won't speak to me now...

   It is good to be regular people, at least no one will know when you have affair.

   If you don't get a text or email for 10 minutes you restart your phone because its probably frozen, right?