Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   There are certain days in the year where it's socially acceptable to act like a retard. Someone tell the people here it's not one of those days...

   I'm doing a charity gig tonight for people who struggle to achieve multi orgazims. Don't worry if you can't come! For those of you that will come...Sign the guest, list below!

   I am not looking at you, I am looking past you.

   oh boy...Google is turning into a teenager, this could be bad...

   I know someone who needs a couple closed fisted high fives to the face. His name rhymes yore busband...RJ

   When someone asks "Know what I'm sayin'?" simply recall the thing they JUST SAID & you can "know what they're sayin'."

   make sure you go to peoples funerals, else the ywon't come to yours!

   I liked your post...until this happened :) xD lol <3 <33!

   It would be awesome idea to stand around in a large circle at school chanting "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" and in the middle of it would be a rock, paper and scissors.

   original, one of a kind..So if you don't mind get back in line..

   Be the one to stand out in the crowd

   thinking about seeing the movie Fright Night. It's filled with vampires, great jokes and hot girls in their underwear. Just like my mind

   Waterbording's more fun than a polygraph.

   dear portuguese easter bunny , dont hide to many eggs in my sweetbread because then there will be less sweetbread and I'll be pissed , thank you :)

   Cooking up some hasenpfeffer. Thanks Easter Bunny, bawk bawk.

   I feel lSH*T ...you know the way those people felt when The Dave Matthews band emptied their RV's septic tank

   What others perceive,what others think,what does that has to do with you? World's a game,why you should be playing by their rules

   Great, first MSN. Then freindster, now the spam has came to facebook. Just what everyone needs, a Social Networking page filled with bulls^!Ys!!!

   so someone just told me that, that isn't a water fountain in the bathroom it is something called a bidet, sure works well as a water fountain though

   a pant-busting crush on you.