Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I knocked down a poop splatter on the toilet wall with my stream... top that!!!

   I once dated an amputee,,,, She single-handedly changed my life.

   Don't count the seconds... Make every second count...

   They should rename Hockey "H0nkey", 'cause it's one of the last major team sports still dominated by Caucasoids. Thank G0D.

   The only time I've ever felt like a male trapped in a female's body was the 9 months before I was born.

   "Hey Mary, what is this I hear about you having sex with God for money?" "Oh. Nothing. I was just trying to make a little prophet."

   It's a sad state of affairs when most Americans don't know... Separation of church and state is not in the Constitution.

   Mirror.. Mirror.. on the wall, out of all my Facebook friends who is the fairest of them all?

   I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF

   Ok now hey you stop poking you want sex..

   going to pull a borat on megan fox

   thinks it's wrong to tease a midget with learning difficulties.... It's not big and it's not clever

   been bitten by a spider... and now waiting to become Spider Man...! :-)

   so poor I am having to layway my drugs and beer... 90 days from todays date the party is on!!!!

   says"why buy the cow when you can get milk for free?"

   I asked my 7 year old daughter if you could be anyone out of a story book who would you be and she said snow white. when I asked her why she said mommy what girl wouldn't want to kiss 7 tiny lil men good night

   Time for spring break!! *̡͌l̡*͡͡͡ ͡I _ ͇๐ےﮯ̡ *

   Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

   doesn't want to work. He wants to bang on da drum all day.

   He has the skin tone and the brain of a goldfish.