Mick Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Girlfriend: Mick, I'm miserable in our relationship. Me: FOR REAL? Girlfriend: Yes. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I've lost 10 lbs. Me: So you're saying it's over? Girlfriend: Well, not yet. I wanna lose 15.
←Rate | 05-15-2017 09:18 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon In United's defense, they only claimed the skies were friendly. They said nothing about what happens on the ground.
←Rate | 04-10-2017 13:27 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life. If Bill Gates had got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?
←Rate | 03-06-2017 13:28 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Daylight Savings Time: I say start it on a Monday at 5 pm. You wouldn't lose the hour on Sunday, and it would shorten Monday.
←Rate | 03-08-2017 07:50 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Earlier this morning, I was invited to join a XXX facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really big shirts.
←Rate | 05-04-2014 10:13 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Woke up at 5 am. Early to bed early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise. Not to mention completely delusional about being healthy, wealthy, and wise.
←Rate | 03-23-2014 06:32 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon The human soul weighs 1.3 lbs. I have no proof of this other than my friend who's an attorney saying that he weighed himself immediately before and after passing the Bar exam.
←Rate | 03-17-2017 13:18 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Except for imitation grape soda; real grapes have never quite gotten over that one..
←Rate | 04-27-2017 11:12 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've been wracking my brain trying to remember that movie where Joe Pesci plays a hot-tempered little tough guy.
←Rate | 04-03-2017 13:34 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon "You know, I wish I'd never gone to the pool that day." ~Marco Polo
←Rate | 05-25-2014 06:38 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Folks who say, "I can't take all this drama", are the same ones who make Hollywood rich paying $15 to see it on a movie screen.
←Rate | 03-23-2017 21:12 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Those who speak charismatically does not mean they speak the truth.
←Rate | 04-16-2017 21:26 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider doing it.
←Rate | 05-18-2017 11:34 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I'm the bad guy for tripping him?
←Rate | 03-05-2017 14:19 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you think about how big the Earth is, then how small it is compared to the Sun, and how the Sun is just a speck of dust in the universe, it's easy to justify eating an entire chocolate cake.
←Rate | 03-14-2017 09:54 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I were taller, I'd be the perfect weight. By taller, I mean 8' 11"
←Rate | 03-21-2014 12:43 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon When your kid is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
←Rate | 03-28-2017 21:22 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon My cannibal neighbors invited me over for dinner. They must've been upset that I was late. They gave me the cold shoulder.
←Rate | 03-22-2017 10:59 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon They say that inside every heavy person there's a thin person wanting to get out. I must have the entire cast of America's Next Top Model inside me.
←Rate | 04-25-2017 13:28 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon If v-a-g-i-n-a-s weren't meant to be kissed, they wouldn't have lips.
←Rate | 04-05-2014 09:04 by Mick Comments (0)  

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