Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   just watching a W.W.E event with two chicks fighting... I think the proper name for that is W.T.F!!!?

   What do we call the science of classifying living things?... Racism

   Scott Walker, I don't know what it is that you're doing to make it appear as if you're really stupid, but whatever it is, it's really working .

   My girlfriend just told me she was going to break up with me if I didn't quit making Linkin Park references. but in the end it doesn't even matter

   Girl: “Why do you keep following me?!” Boy: “Because when I was little, my mom told me to follow my dreams.”

   Facebook buys Instagram for one billion?!? Idiots!! They could have downloaded it from the app store for .99 cents..

   ****PILOT****

   I love Sundays, because my Italian grandmother cooks THE BEST crystal meth.

   If I could turn back time, I'd find a way to undo Cher.

   You can't see your next if you're too busy looking at your Ex.

   I asked my Heart why can't I sleep at night? IT replied: Cos you already slept your arse off at work. . Don't act like you're in Love jackasss. . :|

   When life sucks I sit back and enjoy the head

   ‎‎(ｏ・_・)ノ”(ノ_<。) I hate you -__- ?30secs later (っ˘з(˘.˘ )♥ Bipolar Love

   I'm a lazy ass texter, unless you're cute, or I like you.

   She looks like she was rode hard and put away wet

   Fact: you can't wake someone who has Parkinson up by shaking him.

   I've heard of Army, Navy, Air Force and Marine generals but, what in the Hell is the Surgeon general??? What does he do, order people to shoot somebody and then perform surgery? Talk about "job security" huh?

   MERRY XMAS EVERYONE (Yes I know it's a bit early, but I thought I'd start with you miserable and argumentative plebs first!)

   Surely you cant be serious! ---- Oh but I am....And dont call me Shirley

   found a midget nest today! I am taking the egg home for further study.