Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   hey when does special Ed classe begin this fall for you anti-trump bashers?

   Can't wait, after Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday's Trump fiasco, I'm so looking forward to SNL this Saturday. It's going to be an awesome show.

   i only eat nature valley granola bars in the beds of my enemies.

   didnt find her way to the top of the food chain, only to get taken out by a cucumber!!!!

   If I would lose everything in a hurricane, tornado, flood... I know my friends would be there for me... then I would have lost nothing... everything else is just stuff... ~R~

   dreamt he wrote the Lord of the Rings last night...seems I was just Tolkien in my sleep!

   just watching a W.W.E event with two chicks fighting... I think the proper name for that is W.T.F!!!?

   What do we call the science of classifying living things?... Racism

   Scott Walker, I don't know what it is that you're doing to make it appear as if you're really stupid, but whatever it is, it's really working .

   My girlfriend just told me she was going to break up with me if I didn't quit making Linkin Park references. but in the end it doesn't even matter

   Girl: “Why do you keep following me?!” Boy: “Because when I was little, my mom told me to follow my dreams.”

   Facebook buys Instagram for one billion?!? Idiots!! They could have downloaded it from the app store for .99 cents..

   ****PILOT****

   I love Sundays, because my Italian grandmother cooks THE BEST crystal meth.

   If I could turn back time, I'd find a way to undo Cher.

   You can't see your next if you're too busy looking at your Ex.

   I asked my Heart why can't I sleep at night? IT replied: Cos you already slept your arse off at work. . Don't act like you're in Love jackasss. . :|

   When life sucks I sit back and enjoy the head

   ‎‎(ｏ・_・)ノ”(ノ_<。) I hate you -__- ?30secs later (っ˘з(˘.˘ )♥ Bipolar Love

   I'm a lazy ass texter, unless you're cute, or I like you.