Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   if you dont remember ever when MTV actually had music vidoes, then you not a true 90's kid

   Am I the only one who thought of chicks with flat asses when they saw "Happy National Pancake Day"?

   This morning at breakfast, I think I got some cheap Russian Alphabits - half of the R's were backwards!

   shopping for a butler monkey on craigslist

   Bodies always understand each other, even when the souls do not.

   <----Thinks it adds more stress going to a Spa and paying $ 160 an hour for Swedish !

   the four leaf clover in a field of life.

   My mate has absolutey no luck with women. Even when he calls one of those premium rate chat lines they tell him he has the wrong number.

   Had a mini anxiety attack wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.

   I told the lady Jimmy John delivery driver to give me a call when she was promoted to sandwich making.

   Y.O.L.O.???? Oh you've found out that you only live once? Please, tell me more about your other scientific discoveries.

   I think humans 'marching on the spot' is probably the reason aliens don't bother invading us...

   Are we running out of chickens to eat? Another student found eating brains and heart cops says!

   n't it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags? Ok, maybe I don't know what the word ‘ironic' means.

   why drink and drive when you can.....drink and watch tv

   I just spent an hour chasing a rabbit trying to take a picture of it. What has instagram done to me?.

   My bathroom scale and I have our ups and downs.

   Then repost off page 200 or earlier.. Something we didnt just see.

   They say to stay away from a girl who is a succubus.... not me, I just changed my name to Bus.

   I'll fix your computer, but I don't do Windows. ~Mac repairmen