Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   That TP logo from the campaign seems appropriate now, given all the B S leaking out of this administration.

   Looks like the first amendment is more powerful than the second.

   When my wife wants my opinion, she’ll give it to me.

   Get hoarders addicted to crack, they will sell all their stuff...

   Roy Moore wins Alabama's Republican Senate primary, defeating Trump-backed candidate. Trump throws tantrum.

   Donald Trump Jr should not make fun of Skittles and Syrian refugees -- his mother is an immigrant and his father is an orange Skittle.

   CRAP!!! I just dropped my Android, are you guys alright?

   THAT MOMENT: When the cop car that just pasts you makes a U-turn, you begin to wonder where your car papers at.....

   Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind someone on a stationary bike and pretend you're angrily chasing them.

   Everytime I leave the house: ✔Phone ✔Wallet ✔Keys.

   This shark attacked a defenseless surfer and bit him in half. What kind of animal would do something like that?!

   I just met the woman of my wet dreams...

   Like we really need Twinkies here in America.

   God damnit Disney, you screwed up another one. Now I'm gonna have nightmares about teddy bears.

   I'm no grammar Nazi, but I hate when a girl's period comes late

   God promised man he could find beautiful women who were good honest wives in all corners of the world then he made the world round and laughed and laughed and laughed.

   "When life gives you eggs, turn them into omelets!" is probably a terrible slogan for an abortion clinic.

   Native American: So you are against imigrants. Splendid, when did you leave?

   Throwing' Down Today

   Loves all the Global Warming non-believers talking about 15 inches of snow being proof there's no threat. Yeah idiots. Global warming means no snow... and the Earth is flat.