Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4 of 6376
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They’re not red flags, they’re fun facts about me.
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06-24-2022 23:15
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What does the sign on the out-of-business brothel say? Beat it, we’re closed.
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06-26-2022 00:12
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![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
There is only one way to avoid criticism: Say nothing, do nothing, and be nothing.
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06-27-2022 03:07
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![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
It’s time for the 99% of us who are not offended by everything to quit catering to the 1% who are.
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06-30-2022 01:00
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![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
The hardest part about driving a Hummer, is trying to find your wiener when you go pee-pee.
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07-01-2022 01:47
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I grew up with six siblings. That's how I learned to dance, waiting for the bathroom.
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07-23-2022 23:28
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![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
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01-23-2023 03:43
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![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Glad to see you’re not letting education get in the way of your ignorance.
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01-23-2023 03:45
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Sorry I didn’t reply for 45 days. Lol What’s up?
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01-06-2023 01:08
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![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
May life treat you the way you treat waiters and animals.
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01-04-2023 02:43
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Life would be easier if we all had a video game health bar above our heads letting everyone know how close we are to a meltdown.
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01-07-2023 12:28
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Please don’t ride with me if you’re going to grab the dash and scream every time I run off the road. It makes me nervous.
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01-07-2023 14:29
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I like staying home, because as soon as I step outside, I spend $100.00
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01-08-2023 01:35
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![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Dads tell cheesy jokes not because humor gets worse with age, but because the more life experience you have, the more value you place on anything that might make someone laugh, even if it’s at your own expense.
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01-13-2023 02:16
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This recipe calls for leftover bacon, and it might as well call for dragon tenderloin or bigfoot steaks.
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01-13-2023 02:27
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Whistleblower comes forward with claims that strangers drag him from place to place, make him sign papers, read words on monitors and he hardly gets any ice cream.
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05-22-2022 03:45
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An idea: “Broke Back Mountain 2” all female cast. This would smash all box office records.
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06-05-2022 02:54
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I was born a male and I identify as a male, but according to Stouffers portions, I'm a family of four.
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06-07-2022 12:07
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![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Jurassic World is about a pharma company that uses a DNA-altering pathogen to destroy farmland and deliberately cause a worldwide food crisis to force everyone to buy their products. Science Fiction is Fun!
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06-20-2022 03:31
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Australian Kiss ~ Kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
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06-23-2022 01:23
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