Funny Status Messages
Search Messages:
Never expecting the unexpected making the unexpected the expected 
Would just love to punch someone in the Kidneys but apparently society frowns upon that
If you watch Rambo backwards, it's about a medic with a magical bullet vacuum.
I once went to a diner and ordered a chicken salad sandwich and an egg salad sandwich to see which would come first.
Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like.
I once asked my Dad if it was ok to love a midget, he said son- It just depends if you're nuts over her.
Elementary math problems are weird. "'I had 10 chocolate bars and ate 9. What do I have now?'" Oh, I don't know... DIABETES MAYBE!!!"
My son's just had a tattoo of a heart, a spade, a club and a diamond. I'll deal with him later.
Here is my new idea. In the express lane, once the cashier rings up 1 item too many, 50 pounds of pig sh!t falls on the customer.
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for life.... Give an octopus nunchuks,,, and no one's eating fish ever again.
What does frozen beer, burnt pizza and a pregnant girl all have in common? A dumba$$ who forgot to take it out in time.
~• << Picture of me when I was younger, I was so cute. :D
Considering it's climate and geographical location, I am surprised at the incredible amount and gigantic volume of Snowflakes there are in California!!!
I’m not here to judge anyone’s religion. I’m here to judge their misinterpretation of it.
I bought one of those Lance Armstrong bikes. I tried to put it together but it was missing a Nut.
I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup,,, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever
Hillary Clinton is easily the scariest of all the Muppets
When people ask for candy I'm eating, I give them the flavor I don't like.
Adam's first words to Eve: "Stand back, I don`t know how big this thing gets!"
**when I die don't write "R.I.P" on my grave. . write "B.R.B"** 