Funny Status Messages

   Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for life.... Give an octopus nunchuks,,, and no one's eating fish ever again.

   What does frozen beer, burnt pizza and a pregnant girl all have in common? A dumba$$ who forgot to take it out in time.

   ~• << Picture of me when I was younger, I was so cute. :D

   Considering it's climate and geographical location, I am surprised at the incredible amount and gigantic volume of Snowflakes there are in California!!!

   I’m not here to judge anyone’s religion. I’m here to judge their misinterpretation of it.

   I bought one of those Lance Armstrong bikes. I tried to put it together but it was missing a Nut.

   I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup,,, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever

   Hillary Clinton is easily the scariest of all the Muppets

   When people ask for candy I'm eating, I give them the flavor I don't like.

   Adam's first words to Eve: "Stand back, I don`t know how big this thing gets!"

   **when I die don't write "R.I.P" on my grave. . write "B.R.B"**

   Somewhere in Alaska, Sarah Palin is crying into her bucket of Chick-Fil-A.

   I wonder if the guy that changes Casey Anthony's oil knows a thing or two about brakes and being a national hero?

   6.9 is just like 69, but a period got in the way.

   “Even in a happy relationship, it's seems to be possible to have a wandering eye or even crave affection from another person.

   I was so depressed last night and called a Suicide Hotline. I had to press 1 for English. I was connected to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck….

   I'm wondering what we can trade Obama for ???

   I'd imagine that muslim sex dolls blow themselves up.

   It’s President Obama’s birthday. I can’t believe it’s been 61 years since his mother forged his birth certificate.

   Gee. Lets ask an openly christian man who owns a chain of restaurants that are closed on Sunday what his beliefs on gay marriage are, then act surprised when we find out his beliefs.... Idiots.