Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If steak and B.J. day isn't a real holiday, than neither Is ''daughter day.''

   I like being Next,, You can let somebody go in front of you and still be Next. People know who you are. " Who is that"? ... " Oh him he is Next".

   Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been shut off.

   wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac

   Beekapoo is me the lime

   thinks it's ironic that the man that brought the Segway to life was brought to death by his invention.

   Please do not shoot the pianist. He is doing his best.

   It's your world, I just live and suffer in it.

   In the cookies of life FRIENDS are the chocolate chips

   Hey New York....Hide your lady's, Brett Farve is in town and he brought his iphone.

   recently accused of being insensitive!! And I thought, how did this fat bit*h get her wheel chair up the stairs to my house?

   Yuck. There's nothing more disgusting than cigarette butts in the urinal.. What's worse is that their so d@$% hard to light!

   Glad Facebook knocks me off for "Routine Maintenance"... said by no-one, ever!!

   I had skylights installed at my place last night and I don't get why the people who live upstairs aren't okay with this.

   Before you make your birthday wishes, make sure your genie has a good command of the English language. Unrelated- would anyone wanna purchase a massive rooster, a bunch if wet Brazilian cats and a large section of donkey.

   Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly.

   are the smurfs just a midget tribe of the Avatars?

   Creates an imaginary girlfriend. She just wants to be friends.

   The closest I come to beastiality is grabbing a ponytail.

   Off to IKEA to shop, I'm so hungry I could eat a horse...