Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you think I wrote this status update in the nude, you're wrong. I'm wearing a sombrero and a candy necklace. (

   remembers when Cheddar was still a cheese

   When a job interviewer asks, "Where do you see yourself in five years?", it's a test to see if you own a time machine.

   Have you seen these gas prices?? I just filled up and it doubled the value of my car!!

   It's not really such an "Easy-Bake" oven when you're trying to cook a pot roast. This is taking *forever*.

   Life should be this simple: do whatever makes you happy until you die.

   Ebonics 101:where dey do dat at?= what type of establishment allows behavior of that sort?

   Bite marks, hickies, and scratches are love notes written in flesh.

   Ebonics 101:"Free my Ni**A"= although he did commit a crime that is against the law ..release him from jail because he is my friend

   While you were busy judging others you left your closet open and your skeletons fell out.

   Fellaz: Be the man you pretend to be when you're trying to get pu$$y.

   A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste…

   A day without love, sex or booze is just another day closer to death.

   HOODTRANSLATIONS Sh*t just got real = The situation has escalated to the highest point of seriousness & this is no more a laughing matter.

   Find what you love and let it kill you.

   HOODTRANSLATIONS: "Where the hoez at?" = We wish to know the whereabouts about those with no morals to perform in rather raunchy activities

   #HOODTRANSLATIONS: "take one for the team bruh" = while I'm with this attractive female, please occupy her friend who is strong in the face.

   HOODTRANSLATIONS: "Bruh I got da whip"= My mother was kind enough to let me use the car Today.....

   Gynecologists looking for a cool nickname, please remember Rug Doctor is a registered trademark.

   No one's lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.