Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dear Mr. Coffee, Do you even manufacture a coffee pot that doesn't spill when you pour out of it? -Early Riser

   I think humans 'marching on the spot' is probably the reason aliens don't bother invading us...

   last time I checked this was the "funny facebook status website" not the deep and meaningful status website

   Am I the only one thats tired of hear about the whole Treyvon thing? There is other stuff going on in the world. Like did you hear that Kim K. is dating Kanye! OMG!

   If they play Adele "Set fire to the rain" one more time I'm gonna have too set fire to a radio station..

   So I heard Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are dating, Now I ain't saying she a gold digger...

   Ummm,,, I just tried to make a donation to the "Tourette Syndrome Foundation" in England,,,,, and they told me to Sod off.

   You know,,, The first rule of redundancy club, is the first rule of redundancy club.

   We have a very small hen house door,,,So you've probably guessed already...Sorry,, no fat chicks

   I wish I had a dollar, for every dollar I don't have.

   LIKE if you remember having to REWIND a video before you returned it.

   There's nothing like shaving off your beard to remind everybody why your face needed a beard

   A successful relationship is one in which one person shuts up when the other is right.

   Hey blockbuster..theres netflix now we don't need you ...thats what you get for having late charges see yah welcome to the future.!!

   I am sick of women saying men can't multi task! I can tell my wife that her ass don't look fat in those jeans and keep a straight face at the same time.

   Zimmerman's new lawyer has issued a statement stating that ''Mr.Zimmerman said that he is sorry for shooting and Killing Trayvon Martin and that it won't happen again''.

   If we all end up in prison one day for illegal music downloads, I can only hope that they divide us by music genres.

   Ever feel like ur a vibrator? Good enough to stick up someone's ass to please them and then ur tossed into a drawer until you good enought to be used again!

   My god you'd think a ship sank about 100 years ago or something.

   Spelling bees think they're better than the illiterate bees.......... ( Sorry, I'll just let myself out..)