Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You can wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which gets filled first

   I'm gonna start a new website called Punchender where people/companies can raise funds to NOT release a terrible product. Example "If we don't meet our goal, we will release super bouncy death ball!"

   I'm no magician, but they've never found the bodies I made disappear.

   After an intense workout of shakeweight and sit and be fit it's time to rest.

   he loves heavy metal ... gold , steel and lead are his favourites

   Community Service Announcement - When attempting the Karma Sutra always be sure to stretch first, else you may end up pulling something!

   I can't think of a worse feeling in the world than when you realize your Caprisun has no straw

   I think Mark Zuckerberg is in my frikin laptop laughing... My Facebook is changing back and forth!!!! :-/

   Yahoo News; 'Two Sharks Attack Diver' Nice to see FIFA have toughened up on the punishment!

   I want to be " Bill Gates, where is that money you owe me" rich!

   Why does this thing tell you that you have 24 letters left, then when you post it's incomplete? e

   so cool, you can set your clock by his 5 oclock shadow

   Okay we get it 50-something washed up bar sl~ts. No need to post pics every other day feigning you're having a good time at some boring nightclub.

   Why do atheist celebrate Christmas? Just stop it! You are making yourself look bad.

   Trump wins and farmers get scarily closer to their doeling goats all over the midwest

   Log off Facebook and go to church if you want to pray. Facebook was exclusively invented for spying and stalking

   When I was 10, I was given 6 mo. to live and I refused. My mom got mad at me. Damn autocorrect. When I was 10, I was given 6 oz. of liver and I refused. My mom got mad at me.

   Name something you would say to a friend in 2020 who would think you were completely crazy if you said it to them in 2019 Copy and paste to see what your friend's say.

   The news just reported that Loving County Texas is Coronavirus free! I mean there's only 102 people that live in that country, but still that's something to celebrate!

   I know I won't be out socializing for the Super Bowl. But not because I'm afraid of catching the Coronavirus, I just don't like sports.