MTQ Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon If everyone were telling the truth on fb, the economy would be booming, all kids would be geniuses, everyone would look like they're in their 20's, and all relationships would remain happily ever after.
←Rate | 06-21-2012 07:54 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon You may think I'm a loser, but to my goldfish I am "THE GOD OF FLAKES."
←Rate | 06-15-2011 07:03 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm coming out of the closet. Not that! I mean her husband finally left for work.
←Rate | 06-17-2012 22:11 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm a walking Economy. My hairline is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of the two is putting me into a deep depression!
←Rate | 08-26-2011 14:01 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon All this time I thought Bi-Polar was big white bear with no sexual preference.
←Rate | 10-08-2011 13:06 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know when dogs sticks their heads out of a moving car window, bite at the air and it looks like fun? I tried it. It is.
←Rate | 08-01-2012 05:55 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Went to the movies. There must have been 400 people. Most of them were not there to see the movie, but to compete in a popcorn box and chocolate wrapper rustling competition. Others came to cough.
←Rate | 11-09-2011 13:48 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I saw an ad on TV that settles the age old query..."What started the universe, God or The Big Bang?" I come to find out in a 30 second commercial that the Solar System is powered by a Jimmy Dean Sausage Biscuit.
←Rate | 08-20-2011 17:23 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I patiently wait, after posting a humorous status message on facebook, for the first "Debbie Downer" to come along who completely doesn't get it, then posts a comment which totally destroys the joke
←Rate | 10-10-2011 11:27 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have a question. How is it that the man who wasn't good enough to wed your daughter, can somehow be the father of the smartest grandchildren in the world?
←Rate | 02-08-2013 08:08 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Attention Club Lonely... Keep posting those deep, philosophical, pseudo, life enriching quotes on your profiles. It tells the opposite sex what a day at the amusement park you are.
←Rate | 01-19-2012 00:50 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't you know it's rude to talk while I'm interrupting?
←Rate | 08-20-2011 07:39 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
←Rate | 09-11-2011 06:14 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wanna lose weight? Try the grapefruit diet. Eat something...follow with half a grapefruit. Eat something else...half a grapefruit. So far today I've had 94 grapefruits.
←Rate | 08-11-2011 13:34 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Three weeks into 2012. Now don't some of you feel silly for actually believing things were going to get better simply because we pinned a new calendar on the wall?
←Rate | 01-19-2012 00:15 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love American Idol. Except for the judges, the singers, and Ryan Seacrest.
←Rate | 01-18-2012 20:55 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Day Off+ Get Nothing Done=Successful Day Off
←Rate | 12-17-2012 21:27 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon The past, the present, and the future all walk into a bar at the same time. It was tense.
←Rate | 11-18-2012 08:34 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pro Gun, Pro Gun Control, Pro Life, Pro Choice, Pro This, Pro That, ....How about Pro Common Sense?
←Rate | 12-17-2012 14:28 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon My girlfriend insists on buying tuna in water. "It's healthier then the tuna in oil!" Then we get home and she puts a gallon of mayonnaise in it.
←Rate | 10-26-2011 07:55 by MTQ Comments (0)  

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