Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back Cryin' Over You.

   hey guys, lets see some of your best, it's so hot jokes.

   * Reverend mother has been constipated for a week. The nuns tried home remedies without sussess. One nun said how about I go out to a bar. The other nuns ask how will that help ? She said if I go and come back drunk reverend mother will sh*t for sure.

   To the people who are offended by this song...Well...let me tell you.. The Lady is a Tramp song by Frank Sinatra was a song written about my mother! Now,if you got a problem with thiat Then....Obviously that means you must have slept with her..

   I think Prince was hallucinating when he wrote "When Doves Cry". Has anyone ever actually heard a dove cry?

   I'm an elephant Circumcisionist! The money's lousy...but the tips are huge!!

   you Americans have it SO WRONG ON YOUR AIRPLANES. I'm just saying!

   You people that are all cleaned up with the tree out of the house need to stop showing off. The rest of us are drowning in cardboard boxes and pine needles.

   I'm still hoping Nike will one day come out with an Air Jordan belt....

   If you are one, 'stop being a procrastinator' should take precedence over all other resolutions. Starting tomorrow.

   I'm a passionate man. I like some things and love others. Example: I like coming and I love leaving.

   Its one of those «Depends» mornings.... That's where you have to pee real bad and don't want to get out of bed. But if you had «Depends» on you probably wouldnt;;;;;;;

   money talks....but all mine says is good bye

   I have a feeling that I'm gonna regret not reading youtubes notification about the new policy

   and my excuse to drink today....."Its Groundhog Day!"

   The only thing that annoy's lately is when I type tge instead of the on my IPhone !! Drives me crazy !

   I outswitted the smartest person on the planet today in debate, then realized it was just anothr one of my personalities....

   ... and never will watch the video of the kid in the pool on Facebook's home page.

   America leads the world in reality shows about what female reality show stars do after their reality shows end.

   My tip for you working professional's out there- If you job requires you to use a computer, Maybe you should learn the basic functions of a computer- for instance- TURNING THE F&CKING THING ON