Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's quite ironic. Whitney used to do commercials for Pepsi, then spend all the money she made on Coke

   I still can't believe that Whitney Houston died. Where were you on that one, Kevin Costner?

   my phone battery dies faster than a slut in a horror movie

   I need some attention today. Can't decide if I should go with the, "why does this always happen to me" status, or a line from an Adele song.

   with the mood I'm in, if I tell you "Have a good nights sleep and I hope it's a long one"...you'll know what I mean by it!

   What's 6 inches and won't get sucked this Valentines Day? Whitney's crack pipe.

   "Macho Man" Randy Savage died at 58. Whitney Houston at 48. Corey Haim at 38. Heath Ledger at 28. How old is Justin Bieber again?

   at starbucks in my 'forever lazy' , starting to feel a little self conscious, people in line keep peeking in my ass flap, next time I'm wearing underwear

   all warm in my snuggie, well its really my bathrobe on backwards, but wtf

   won't be able to spend Valentine's Day with the love of his life who keeps him warm, cosy and protected!!! I'm sorry bed but I'll be cheating on you with that b^tçh mistress of mine I call work.

   tough crowd..well thats all for today, drive safe, I'll be here all week

   got myself a McPitBull today...now I can see if mcfoods or mcpets are more dangerous

   i whistle alot jus because it makes my lips look like a bunghole

   finally gave in and let my boyfriend shave me down there....my toes look soooo much better

   I think its so cheesey when people get all mushy & lovey dovey with their facebook status... on another note~ my boyfriend is the best, he is cute, sweet, sexy, handsome, makes me laugh, has the sexiest voice, makes me smile everyday

   You should see the places I've been on my stationary bike

   I wish personal ads could be honest, like 'Toxic seeks Self-Loathing.'

   Why is Chris Brown's nickname Breezy? Shouldn't it be 'Bruisey' instead?

   Other than Whitney Houston...all the dates are wrong. Jackson was 50, JFK was 46 and Winehouse was 27..to make a joke..get the facts right..becomes funnier..Little thing called Google

   I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it