Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Can anyone recommend a good website where people I knew in high school post pics of their meals?

   My girlfriend says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?

   A girl who lives hundreds of miles away texting you "I'm drunk" is like a lasagna texting you from Italy saying "I'm delicious"

   I used to be afraid to fart in front of my new girlfriend. But today I just decided to let a big one go. She didn't mind. Her dad however was disgusted. The rest of the people at the funeral weren't too pleased either.

   I have a sweet parking spot at the mall. I'm going to sit here for the next 10 minutes in reverse just to mess with people.

   I hope the people who drive slow in the left lane are the first to go on Saturday.

   wondering what people in China call their good dishes?????

   People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous

   I'm participating in a 0.25K run to raise awareness for people with attention deficit disorder.

   I don't see why people have to say in thier status they they are getting in the shower. I don't want to picture your bare fat behind in the shower!

   I'll call the people I see at work "coworkers" as soon as they start doing some work.

   As time passes you realize who really matters, who never did, and who always will. Love what you've got. And remember what you had. People change, things go wrong but life goes on

   Of all the people who "claim" not to give a sh it, I'm pretty sure the guy standing barefoot in front of the urinal at the gym is the winner.

   Never judge a person by what other people have told you. The person maybe gentle with you but harsh with others. The same sun which melts ice also hardens clay.

   For most people when you loose your "khakis" you've lost a pair of pants. When you're from Boston and loose your "khakis" you can't start your car

   I bet the people who voted for Biden are turning over in their graves

   wants to know how we manage to raise millions to help people in a country none of us have ever been to, but can't help our own poor and homeless.

   Received a wrong number call at 6am. I now have them on speed dial to drunk dial at 2am.

   worried that my latest Salvation Army donation will result in homeless people looking like sluts from the 90s

   Just got a peek at Santa's naughty list! Amazingly, it's almost identical to my friends list. Can't believe some of the things you people have done!