JeremyCakes Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon The diamond company "Debeers" has had some pretty interesting slogans. One year it was "Diamonds, will take her breath away.", last year it was "Diamonds will render her speechless.". I think this year it should be, "Diamonds, that'll shut her up."
←Rate | 01-29-2010 15:02 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon If God didn't think humility was important, he would have put the prostate somewhere else.
←Rate | 05-22-2010 10:47 by jeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you see a animal stuck in a trap, free them. If you see a child crying, comfort them. If you see the Jersey Shore cast crossing the street, HIT THE GAS!
←Rate | 02-04-2010 10:19 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon To that person who long, long ago, first looked at coffee beans and thought "You know, I bet we could make some kind of hot drink out of these things!", I THANK YOU. VERY VERY MUCH! :)
←Rate | 06-22-2011 13:31 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have you ever had one of those bad days when you felt like you were the thong and the world was Rosie O donnell?
←Rate | 02-23-2010 09:51 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have you ever looked up the word "dictionary" in the dictionary? A hand comes out of the page and slaps you across the face.
←Rate | 02-10-2010 15:29 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love the idea of Canada and America sitting down for a bud and a labatts. While we're at it we should have some apple pie and some poutine. America and Canada are like two brothers. We may argue alot but in the end we're family. Hey america. you ROCK!
←Rate | 02-28-2010 21:58 by JeremyCakes Comments (3)  

   messageicon God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they ate all my oreos and were always peeing on my toilet seat.
←Rate | 02-07-2010 17:55 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not good in relationships.My last relationship ended when I didn't open the car door for her. Instead I just swam up to the surface.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 13:36 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon They say you can't outrun a charging bear. But really you don't have to outrun the bear, you just have to outrun whoever you're with. That's why I only camp with slow people.
←Rate | 02-09-2010 10:18 by JeremyCakes Comments (2)  

   messageicon I hate it when people repost statuses. By the way, I'm gathering rocks to throw at you.
←Rate | 04-15-2010 22:00 by JeremyCakes Comments (5)  

   messageicon WARNING: If you get a message from somebody and it has the subject title "Link to Ashley Simpson videos", DON'T OPEN IT! It's not a virus or anything, but her music is terrible.
←Rate | 02-02-2011 16:56 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon Canada gave the world Justin Beiber. As a canadian, I just wanna say sorry everybody. Our bad. No need to retaliate with nukes or anything.
←Rate | 04-11-2010 14:08 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not sure what causes more destruction, a F5 tornado or my 5 year old daughter on a sugar buzz?
←Rate | 03-13-2010 20:31 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hi! Allow me to introduce myself. I'm a spider. And I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you ever could.
←Rate | 06-17-2010 08:36 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender" I'll have..........a beer." The bartender says" What's with the huge pause?" The bear shrugs and says "I was born with them".
←Rate | 04-21-2010 17:59 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon There are so many people looking for Bin Laden, I think they should also search for Joyce Dewitt from Three's Company. She vanished over 20 years ago. Not even TMZ seem to know where she is.
←Rate | 04-10-2010 20:40 by JeremyCakes Comments (2)  

   messageicon My wife was mad because I wouldn't ask for directions even though we were lost. So she makes me pull over and she says to a guy "Please tell my husband where we are.And say it slow so even he'll understand." Then the guy says " BURRR GERRR KIIIING!"
←Rate | 08-28-2010 20:55 by Jeremycakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sex is the price women pay for marriage,and marriage is the price men pay for sex
←Rate | 02-13-2011 23:10 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon I found a skull near my home today. I went to call the police, but curiosity got the better of me and I picked the skull up and wondered "Who was this person?","Where did he come from?" "How did he die?",and "Why did he have moose antlers?"
←Rate | 02-12-2011 19:51 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

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