Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   If I live to be 100, I will just make up a reason when people ask how. "I eat acorns every day."

   Ghetto people are always naming their kids after things they can't afford... Mercedes, Diamond, Pearl, Car Insurance.

   I honestly believe if there was a fan page or group in favor of dog poop mixed with rotten fish eggs being thrown at the elderly, people would join, if for no other reason but to click something.

   I pretend to like people everyday. It’s called being an adult. That’s why we’re allowed to buy booze.

   Why don't people ever hoard good stuff? I if I were a hoarder, I'd have a house full of cupcakes and slip-n-slides.

   If you hang around four broke people, I guarantee you will be the fifth.

   How come so many people Roll On The Floor *Laughing*? If I'm rolling on the floor, it's usually because I'm on fire. Send help.

   Sometimes while I drink my coffee I stare out the window and ask myself "How many people am I going to cuss out today"

   People who use the phrase, "I won't mention any names, but they know who they are," probably don't get punched often enough.

   it just dawned on me that the Amish people are seriously laughing at us....and our gas prices!

   There are 7 billion people in this world, don't let one ruin your day.

   Stupid people aren't flammable enough.

   Found out today that midgets dont like being called midgets....AND they really dont like being called people McNuggets...

   Personally, I don't find swearing offensive. I think it adds character & emphasis to a conversation. I do find, backstabbing, lying, cheating and screwing people over offensive, but not swearing.

   I read a caption in the paper the other day. The caption read, "In the time it takes you to finish reading this sentence, 20 people will have died of hunger." How the hell do they know how fast I read? I had to read it again. I killed 40 f*cking people.

   How are poor people SO GOOD at finding money for tattoos???

   Maybe Oscar wouldn't have been so grouchy if the people on Sesame Street cared about the fact that he's homeless

   Hollywood is doing another “Mad Max” movie, where gas is so expensive that people steal and kill to get it. It takes place sometime in the future — like this coming July...

   Stupid Question: When people see you lying down with your eyes closed they still ask: "Are you sleeping?" Smartass Answer - "No, I'm training to die!"

   It's annoying how people on facebook, post sad youtube videos or lyrics because they aren't over their ex. I've always wanted to say this to you. your ex doesn't give a crap, Your depressing post piss me off to no end, and I don't think he/she loves you.