Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I'm convinced that homeless people have all the shopping carts with 4 good wheels.

   HA ... The Government says that 93 Million people are out of work but yet say that Unemployment is only at 5% ..... The total population of the US is 325 Million so I guess they're using Common Core Math to arrive at that result.

   Sometimes I meet people and feel sorry for their dog.

   If my dog has taught me anything, it's avoid people at all cost and take as many naps as possible

   Stop naming hospitals after dead people. I'm mean give us some hope? Where is the Keith Richards Memorial Hospital?

   When I go swimming I can feel people dressing me with their eyes.

   come from a long line of people who ruin things.

   Complicate your life by telling people how you really feel.

   Today's challenge! Walk with the parade and wave, and make people wonder who you are.

   I don't hate people, I just feel better when they're not around.

   I saw some black kids spraypainting their names on a wall and decided to join in. I'd only done the first three letters of my name when they started beating the sh*t out of me. They obviously don't like people called Nigel.

   When people ask me "Plz" because it's shorter than "Please" I tell them "No" because it's shorter than "Yes."

   I farted on the bus today and 4 people turned around. I felt like I was on The Voice!

   People who spread their germs make me sick.

   I hate when people ruin my status by commenting with their lack of humor.

   Its amazing how the people with no job always have a bag of weed on them.

   I love how people say they're "expecting" a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin or a lawnmower.

   It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane.

   Every time I use a public bathroom, one thought occurs..."Seriously? This many people have Sharpies on them at all times?"

   You can't afford a bar of soap, but Beer,, Cigarettes,, & $700 worth of tattoos is not a problem?.. This is why sometimes I have a hard time feeling bad for most people