Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   do asian people widen there eyes and say "IM AMERICAN!"?

   Are seniors from a church group in the hood submitting all these? or just the most moronic people new to the internet?

   If you want to recruit people to do whatever you tell them, get the ones eating fast food seafood.

   People who don’t know the difference between your and you’re need to get there grammer act together.

   Had the most amazing dream of my life last night I feel as if was like a revelation that could change my life and possibly the lives of millions of people around the world for the better forever! if I could just remember what it was about?

   * Reverend mother has been constipated for a week. The nuns tried home remedies without sussess. One nun said how about I go out to a bar. The other nuns ask how will that help ? She said if I go and come back drunk reverend mother will sh*t for sure.

   To the people who are offended by this song...Well...let me tell you.. The Lady is a Tramp song by Frank Sinatra was a song written about my mother! Now,if you got a problem with thiat Then....Obviously that means you must have slept with her..

   You people that are all cleaned up with the tree out of the house need to stop showing off. The rest of us are drowning in cardboard boxes and pine needles.

   Some people can stop rocking. I, however, am not one of them.

   I'm going to some yard sales so I can point at people's crotches and say nice junk.

   I don't know understand what the big deal is about those Halloween movies. A plot that centers around the actor that played Austin Powers , Shrek and Wayne Cambpell going around killing people doesn't sound scary to me.

   "That's not what I meant" - people who meant it that way but realized they're wrong

   Bought my first Bluetooth last night at a gas station. Haven't used it yet but it works great. I leave it in and people no longer look at me like I'm nuts when I talk to myself.....

   That feeling when you get annoyed of texting the same people everyday.

   Well I guess if a prison system and busting people self medicating because they can't afford to go to the doctor is what keeps McDonald's on the table, what's a body to do?

   Before comedy how did people know women and men were different

   i know so many people who wish they were computer geeks now...they pay really well too

   Back in the day. How long did it take people to catch on and realize that the one guy who implemented putting up his middle finger meant "fvck you"

   So, we are allowed to pee in our own showers, just not other people's showers. Check. My neighbor is never looking at me the same, is he?

   For the people who believe in this Rapture nonsense. Here's some information that will shock your gullible mind. In new Zealand it is now: Saturday May 21 and the current time is 7:42 AM ...havent heard anything from them yet.