Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Watching people breathe gives me motion sickness.

   There I was just standing there minding my own business when some jerk behind me screams for me to drop my weapon and put my hands on top of my head ..... Some people really have a lot of nerve.

   you're saying, "... People who post things like this are why I fear for our future." Just because you're perfectionist doesn't mean you're perfect; you might be hopelessly unhappy with yourself.

   There is a special place in hell for people who name their kids after their exes.

   I always keep a gun in my glove box. Not for safety. For making people exit a moving vehicle when they b!tch about me listening to Bob Dylan

   This beer just whispered "I want to be inside you" and I was all like "ok dude, but I probably need to get drunk first".

   When did advertising with tweakers and homeless people with signs become the norm?

   n't it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags? Ok, maybe I don't know what the word ‘ironic' means.

   Two types of people that annoy me: Drunk people when I'm sober. Sober people when I'm drunk

   I have this roomie who must go thru half a roll of toilet paper every time she uses the bathroom. I'm going broke. Some people are so @nal when it comes to wiping their a$$.

   Jesus was the most famous birth ever, but people sure do make a big deal about Panda's too!

   Anorexia is nothing to laugh about its extremely tasteless and most people don't have the stomach for it.

   southern people are poor and resourceful, ghetto people are poor and rob you

   Pro tip:When women want to be held, hold em When they're sad, love em When they're drunk, try for butthole. It's easier when they're drunk \ :D /

   Every person on the bus thinks they have the coolest style for pulling the stop cord. Chill people, you are just pulling a frickin' cord. Plus, my way is way cooler.

   If breakfast is the most important meal of the day then why do people eat it in their underware?

   I be the same people that brag about how nice and warm it is where they are right now are the same people that were spoiled brats when they were kids.

   Blind people must get stuck in bad relationships because they can't see other people.

   Todays suggestion...Someone just KILL terry jones,so more people dont die because of HIS stupidity. Like the GOVT hasent done it in the past,US citizen or not. Hell I'll do it,just give me the go ahead.

   Wanna get homeless people excercise and running?....Tell em "FREE SHOES"