Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   "I wasnt that Drunk", "Dude you were in my pool trying to find Nemo"

   "When people fight and hate and kill over Me I'm obviously very flattered." - GOD

   A lot of people make fun of the stuff Glenn Beck says. But don't forget he also has a really stupid face

   Try this experiment: The next time someone says "Oh, I'm fine..." look them square in the eyes and say "Tell me the truth." Sometimes all people really want is someone to take an interest. Show them you care all the time, not just at Christmas.

   History lessons in our time whr easy, at least people fought for a purpose, feel sorry for next generation to keep up with the History

   It's so sad how some people only see the world as something to put on a resume or college application.

   What the f needed cutting so urgently that people were running with scissors in the first place?

   May be we all should start a #RIPCharlieSheen trend. He'd be so drunk, It'll take him a while to realise he is not dead.

   I love pissing off a few hundred people before I go to bed. Waking up to a phone full of hate is the best way to start the day. <3

   People who say I tend to give up too fast on things should- eh, know what, never mind.

   This is the time of year when you can put mistletoe in your back pocket so that people who don't like you can kiss your...well you know...

   Some people spend their whole life searching....I spend it trying to keep a straight face.

   I can't believe people still get divorced, it's like they don't even know Wiz Khalifa relationship advice accounts exist.

   Just ate 2 bagles and used only half the cream cheese. Diets are hard people!! Really hard.

   A restraining order against morning people.

   I don't get angry....I get drunk & plot.

   If people would just drive the Speed Limit, then I don't have to reach for my gun!

   People compare the super bowl to the daytona 500, thats BS people dont watch the race at home for the comericals...

   In an effort to save the economy the Government will be downsizing the population. Soon it will begin eliminating all the ugly people. My eyes began to water and my heart dropped when I thought of you, hang in there my friend. Be strong.

   You're really not as bad as people say. You're much, much worse.