Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Regular People: "Sorry I am late. Traffic was nuts" Moms: "Sorry I'm late. My daughter's sweater was too sweater-y and the baby ate a band aid."

   I don't know what part of donating blood I like more, the free cookies or that I can get drunk faster afterwords.

   People can throw away the times and memories spent together as if they meant nothing. That right there is why you shouldn't trust

   I'm the funniest person I know. I've got to meet more people.

   You know how people tend to become like their pets and vice versa? My dog needs a liver transplant.

   Facebook: a place where people post passive aggressive things, rather than directly addressing the issue. If you think this is about you, well it probably is ;)

   If you're not still a little drunk on Monday morning I'm not buying your good weekend story.

   DANG MAAN! People in Cali don't know how to drive! >: o

   I hate when people post pictures of broccoli and asparagus while I'm having a bucket of fried chicken and a Sprite.

   I don't remember seeing anything in the Bill of Rights that says you can't get rid of the people who use guns in criminal act. Yup....Now , about that budget ... . .

   Just because you're over sensitive doesn't mean people are mean and offensive. Get a thicker skin and a sense of humour, douchebag.

   People that will eat food even after they seen that I've pre-licked it to claim ownership, are my only natural predators.

   hopes everyone had a great night, got drunk and woke up wearing someone else's underpants. Happy 2012!

   Going where the cool people are... Outside!!

   Sure, I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay an admission!....Oh Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

   People usually complain about their looks, but no one complains about their brains.

   Checked out Instagram. It's mostly pics of what people had for dinner. I didn't want to feel left out so I took a pic of the sh!t I just took.

   Im thinking of opening a specialty store that caters to people with A.D.D. I will call it "The Shiny Squirrel". Or I might just throw rocks at this tree.

   This salad bar sucks. I must've had like 10 shots of this “Italian Dressing” and I'm not the slightest bit drunk.

   People worth dating are nearly impossible to come by.