Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Some of you people could use something with a little water bubbling at the bottom....... Just sayin

   I think it's time I find the right one to settle down with. By right one I mean a bottle of whiskey and by settle down with I mean drunk.

   that face you make when you only have 1 or 2 presents & the other people around you have 10-12 :-/...then while they are still opening theirs you sit around with that f you look

   One advantage of going to sleep drunk: The bed bugs leave you alone.

   You see a lovely group of friends at a dinner party, I see a bunch of people being forced to hold in their farts.

   I will never let my life be defined by my reactions to what other people think, say or do. Greatness lies just past pettiness.

   People who put a new roll of t.p. on top of a cardboard applicator are far worse...

   i'd be willin to bet not one of those swamp people EVER thought they'd have their own show

   I write comedy for smart people... that´s why I dont get some of my jokes.

   If a zombie apocalypse ever happens, we all better hope people who can do parkour don't get infected.

   God must love stupid people. He made so many.

   What are the benefits of these gold membership services for facebook? Will I have people digging for gold on my virtual farm?

   It's pretty sad when someone's idea of "meeting new people" consists of adding everyone in the People You May Know tool....

   March 4th. I like tomorrows date because it's like i'm telling people what to do.

   Down with OPD (Other People's Drama)

   The difference between me and R. Kelly is that when I pee on people I am swimming in a lake.

   The Chicago Bears are changing their name because it offends people who own a pic-a-nic basket and have a friend named Boo Boo.

   Vaping doesn't kill people, people kills people.

   Being Single on Valentine's Day just reminds how pathetic some people are, and how awesome I still am for Being Single on Valentine's Day."

   The world world be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes