Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I'm sick of people contradicting me when I insist that there IS such a thing as an emotional support lasagna.

   I like people who make me laugh, make me think and make me coffee. Not necessarily in that order....

   Dear people who keep referring back to the good old days, why don't you stop using toilet paper and revert back to leaves so we can know your days were all that

   May your valentine's day be full of all the sinful things people give up for Lent!!

   I'm an inventor. I invent all kinds of sh*t. But some people call it lying...

   I love earth, except the people on it.

   I Never understood why people watch porn together while having sex. If I have porn then what the hell do I need with another person?"

   Some people wait their entire life for their status to be "liked"..not realizing that it has been p0sted a million times before..

   JAB, Can you only imagine how many people not on our friends list who are doing the same thing we're doing. Ignoring each other, it's been good ignoring with you.. have a good evening. . .

   Not enough people realize the value of slacking off.

   What you do when people sing happy birthday to you: 5% - Sing. 10% - Smile. 85% - Sit there like a dumbf#ck trying to figure out what to do.

   people who make the wrong thing always complain about everything and everybody!

   ...You cannot predict how people think because even cows cross the road in the pale moonlight

   People have champagne taste with a beer budget in a materialistic world...

   Confuse people who bring hotel breakfast to you in bed by exclaiming, "You shouldn't have! Did the children help?"

   There are too many functionally illiterate people in the world.

   One thing that people may not know about me is that I'm very passionate about not getting beaten to death with fireplace tools.

   I don’t care what people think but women with tattoos are very sexy. Also women who have a heartbeat and women without d*cks are very sexy too.

   It's crazy to think that before Facebook all this crap stayed in people's heads

   If you people would GET OFF THE PHONE you could drive better!