Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   i hate when people steal my ideas and post them before I think of them

   It's kind of cool how khaki Dockers and ugly people found each other

   Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end!!!

   Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you

   There are some people on facebook who don't understand the difference between 'Whats on your mind?' And I should probably see a therapist about this'

   Would like to give a big shout out to the people that are hard of hearing

   You know what my problem is? People telling me what my problem is.

   I am not grumpy. I'm just not a fan of other people today.

   I tried holding the door open for a woman at the coffee shop this morning but she just kept yelling "close the door, I'm trying to pee in here!!". Some people are so ungrateful

   People are so weird. You reach under the bathroom stall to tie their shoes and they freak out instead of saying thanks.

   I don't understand why people have to "get ready" for bed....I'm always ready for bed.

   Sometimes I feel like a loser for spending so much time on Facebook. Then I remember there are people out there who comment on pornhub videos

   One thing parenting has taught me- telling a kid they're tired is like telling a drunk person they're drunk. Anger and denial follows

   some people should put professional victim on their resumé

   Muffins – for people who don’t have the guts to order cake for breakfast.

   According to the segment on American Idol's "Idol Gives Back", they just showed $10 was able to purchase 90 lbs of food. Where do these people shop? I can't do that at Wal-Mart, Kroger, or any other place.

   Many people are not smart enough to understand their own stupidity

   that moment you wake up from a drunk night and ure scared to look at ur facebook statuses.

   My life is a movie. One of those movies where most of the people start leaving right in the middle of it.

   In 10 years time people who currently like Miley, Bieber, Lady Gaga and One Direction will make decisions about your health care. Sleep well.