Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Being a modest guy, when I checked into my hotel, I said to the lady at the desk, "I hope the p0rn channel in my room is disabled." She goes, "Nooooo, it's regular people-p0rn, you sick ba$tard.”

   The reason you can't fool all of the people all of the time is because half of them are women.

   Think the Crayola people would get mad if I try to burn there Crayon?

   Things to do: 1) Dig a hole 2) Name it love 3) Watch people fall in love.

   After Pat Sajak confessed to being drunk during Wheel of Fortune, Bob Barker admitted he neutered animals during Price Is Right commercials.

   "I wasn't that drunk" Dude you threw a sock at a midget and screamed "Dobby be free!"

   Sunglasses allow an individual to stare at people without them knowing. It is Facebook in real life

   People who say "money can't buy happiness" have apparently never used money....to buy a bag of weed : )

   Have you seen the clown that hides from g@y people in Wal-mart?

   Cheryl Cole changed her relationship status to "single". 45 million people liked this.

   thinks people who say they don't swear haven't had the right sex or food.

   Rich people who own fancy Bidet/Toilet combos to cleanse themselves after bowel movements tend to look down on regular people. To them we're all just a bunch of a$$wipes.

   My mother always told me to never quit something I'm good at. So here is to her for making me realise that i'm good at being drunk!

   Hmmmm.. Do you ever wonder if Nicki Minaj butt dials more than most people?..

   I'm surprised people don't use photoshop to also clean the house in the background of all these fake photos they upload

   People who get out of bed the first time the alarm rings. What's it like to be a demon?

   Some people have relationships and some people have cats

   Seriously? Really? Seriously?? Really?? Seriously??? Really??? Said annoying people everywhere now a days.

   In these days of AIDS and HERPES, there are some people whose ex-lovers you just don't want to mess with for health reasons.

   something to mark their territory. I mean if someone peed on something most people would be like, "Eww, okay. That's yours now."