JBabcock Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Most wives don't want to hear their husband's opinion. They want to hear their own opinion- in their husband's voice.
←Rate | 08-30-2011 06:38 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't believe it's merely a coincidence the the letters in Frito Lay can be rearranged to spell "oily fart".
←Rate | 08-30-2011 05:27 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Pinky Toe:The most sensitive part of your body when it comes to finding furniture in the Dark.
←Rate | 08-20-2011 16:25 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon If my Grandad were alive and on FB he'd be posting the same 9 or 10 stories over and over and as much as that would drive me crazy I would give anything to see his smile and "like" his posts today.
←Rate | 09-19-2011 20:43 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon I used to think that there was this huge difference between Clowns and Mimes. But actually they all scream the same kinds of things at you when you spray them with Pepper Spray.
←Rate | 09-19-2011 19:57 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon The person who coined the phrase "Laughter is the best medicine" probably never received Demerol during his hospitalization.
←Rate | 08-19-2011 15:54 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon After looking for hours I'm pretty sure Waldo has the d@mn remote again.
←Rate | 08-20-2011 11:53 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm certain that the reason that God made Wasps, Hornets, and Yellowjackets was to remind grown men that they can still scream like a little girl.
←Rate | 08-15-2011 17:56 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon A Sunday school teacher once saw me leave a door wide open and asked "Were you born in a Barn?!" She shut up real quick when I replied "You mean like JESUS?!!!"
←Rate | 08-28-2011 08:33 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why sure you can trust the Government. Just ask a Native American.
←Rate | 08-15-2011 17:34 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon Most men would never agree to marriage if they knew how rare it was to mate in captivity.
←Rate | 08-20-2011 16:34 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Patriot Gaurd Motorcycle Riders were awesome at protecting my family from a$$hole Westboro Baptist Haters at my nephews military funeral. Maybe the Hell's Angels to also come and give the same love those hatemongers give others at the next funeral.
←Rate | 08-19-2011 22:58 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon My family loves the Patriot Gaurd Motercycle Riders who shielded us at my nephews military funeral. At the next military funeral I want to also invite the Hell's Angels to give the same love to those protesting hatemongers that they give to others.
←Rate | 08-19-2011 23:06 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon The 6 LEAST POPULAR Nursing Home Games:6 Simon says Something Incoherent 5.Pin the Toupee on Baldy 4. Hide and Go Pee 3. Musical Dentures 2. Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse Says Bend Over 1 And of course Kick the Bucket.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 01:28 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Fork, I know I've never contacted you since I ran away with the plate. But I thought you should know you have a son. His name is Spork. He has your hair. Sincerely, Spoon
←Rate | 09-24-2011 00:52 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Boss, Life is full of surprises. I'm not coming into work today. SUPRISE!!
←Rate | 08-28-2011 08:22 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon I really question the marketing tactics at Whosale Furniture Outlets. I've never heard anyone say "Oooh! A giant inflatable Ape!! I think I want to buy a couch!"
←Rate | 09-07-2011 12:05 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon I work 2 jobs so my family won't be homeless. Ironically with all the extra shifts I'm home less.
←Rate | 08-19-2011 20:28 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's amazing how many girls are lured into the world of Adult Entertainment. I guess the old saying is true: "There's a sucker born every minute."
←Rate | 09-09-2011 16:00 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Picky Coworker, Watching you order and customize every aspect of your entrée even going off menu makes us fear what the staff will do to our food. Keep doing this and we'll spit on your plate ourselves. Sincerely, Your Tablemates.
←Rate | 09-25-2011 18:27 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

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