Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Whenever I have a bad day,,, I just remind myself that there are people out there who have their ex's name tattooed on their body

   It's always awkward ending phone calls with people you love. I always say, "I love you" and they're like "Thank you for choosing Domino's Pizza."

   These days, there are all sorts of people who get shortened names. For example, Jennifer Lopez gets called J-Lo, Susan Boyle gets called SuBo and some people call Simon Cowell something like SyCo. I don't think Pete Doherty will go for it...

   1 universe, 8 planets, 204 countries, 804 islands, 7 seas, 7 billion people, and you're still single? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAGAHA, me too.

   It makes me sad when people say they married their best friend, mainly cuz marriage between a man & beer will never be legal.

   I want to start a radio station that only plays music by people who play instruments.

   Too many hollier than thou people with no sense of humour around.

   The people who deserve to live the best of life are the exact same ones living the worst of it.

   hates people who take drugs....customs for example

   I hate people who use mad gay phrases that rhyme, like "What's shaking bacon?" it makes me go insane in the membrane. 

   A recent study has shown that two in one people are schizophrenics.

   I remain concerned that without Internet access, the people of Egypt may not know that Charlie Sheen is okay.

   The most beautiful people are the ones who do not have the intention to look good but end up accidentally looking good.

   People can't go to sleep if any of their phone apps need to be updated, but will drive their car with the check engine light on until it explodes.

   Some people think it's wrong I refer to a co-worker as "the little abortion that got away."

   Have you ever noticed that the only people who wear jogging suits are well over 200 pounds and obviously never jog — unless a buffet is in sight?

   Relationships are like fat people most of them dont work out

   Its funny that people are upset with a gay character in a Disney movie but are perfectly fine with beastuality

   Facebook should change it from 'Friends' to 'People I've made eye contact with

   Facebook needs a "People you need to delete" list....