Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Real Men of Genius.Today we salute you Mr.Compulsive Status Update Checker.People are out actually having fun, your stuck reading about it on a screen. One click instant "mafia and farmville" updates to live vicariously through, friends you... haven't see

   wonders why people only see ghosts at night? Probably the same reason UFO'd are never spotted in the city.

   Well-behaved people rarely make history.

   Life is full of fake people. Before you decide to judge them, make sure you're not one of them. ♥

   says if you want to feel skinny, hang out with a group of fat people.

   Pshh.. Nowadays I dont even trust people that dont have a FB

   Religious people are so nice. They're always trying to make travel plans for you.

   You heard about the snowstorm in Georgia. A snowstorm in Atlanta resulted in a 10-hour traffic jam. To which people in Los Angeles responded, "You guys need snow for that?

   I just gave my "friends list" a good douching. It's been a while, and it was getting a little funky with all of those people in there.

   Are people that smoke weed and sit around on the couch all day called Baked Potatoes?

   went in to Zoomers tonight for a pack of gum and the clerk asked if I had gas? I told her I did earlier but I was feeling fine now. Some people do not have a sense of humor

   for people who think an invisible object cant kill you try hitting and invisible block on mario bros

   When people I don't know ask me what I do for a living I shout "Karma," and punch them before running away.

   Jet Blue steward Steven Slater offered reality show to help people quit their jobs. I'm gonna bet it won't be the first pilot he's done!

   Mothers are those wonderful people who can get up in the morning before the smell of coffee.

   It cracks me up that most people who say "you don't know sh!t from Shinola" don't know what hell Shinola is in the first place.

   Can pregnant people use the car pool lane?

   Ugly people should really stop trying to take seductive pictures of themselves, it's camera fudgin suicide.

   When I was a kid, I thought “running for office” meant that you'd have several people lined up for a race and the first one who reached the office won. Might have been better that way, no?

   If stupidity was physically painful, some people would be in the I.C.U. right now.