Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   So we're expected to believe the 500,000 people who won't bother to get a state issued ID are actually going to bother to vote??

   I'd like to be a bird, not for the freedom and beauty of flight...I just want to be able to sh*t on people like a WWII bomber pilot.

   I am a part of Peta people enjoying Tasty animals

   Being a politican is like being a hooker. You can't be one unless you can pretend to like people while you're f-cking them.

   is it just me, or are 80% of the faces in the "people you may know feature" on Facebook, people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

   A study says that talking on cell phones while crossing the street can be dangerous for elderly people. Especially when it takes all their concentration to even figure out who they are talking to.

   money don't change you, it changes the people around you.

   The drunk text from a guy you decided not to go home with is like the ankle grab from someone you just shot

   Indi@n people win spelling bees, Jeopardy championships, and collegiate scholarships. They know everything...except the existence of deodorants.

   People joke about Bieber Fever. Don't - Sigourney Weaver Fever killed my father.

   Really tired of homeless people tweeting photos of the garbage they're about to eat.

   Gay people are such great dressers because they've spent a lot of time in the closet.

   Some people should use glue stick for lip balm.

   The only people I trust are the ones that like big butts; they can not lie

   After I do something I compliment myself in my mind using the voices of people I know.

   It sucks when you're on Facebook, and you see people having more fun in their lives than you do.

   Why are there no mirrors in the self checkout?.....Slow people, take your time to get that jokke....

   BLACK FRIDAY, when people trample others for cheap goods mere hours after being thankful for what they already have

   thinking 9000 people are having sex right now, 2000 are kissing, 1000 getting head and you are reading my status. Hang in there sunshine

   Alcohol does NOT make you fat…it makes you lean…against tables,chairs,walls, floors and ….Ugly people!!!