Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   wonders how come so many people "Roll On The Floor *Laughing*" (ROTFL)? If I'm rolling on the floor, it's usually because I'm on fire. Send help.

   If my dad were alive today he would say, "Son,, stop telling people I'm dead".

   People that tell me they never use dirty words must be boring as hell in the bedroom. What do they scream? "Touch my no-no and make me squish-squish?"

   Hey people that are jog, if you really wanna sell me on this jogging thing, you are gonna have to stop making those faces that make it look like it sucks.

   When it comes to helping you, some people stop at nothing.

   thinks that unless you people can come up with a better idea...she'll be giving up her vow of celibacy for Lent this year

   If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?

   "If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.

   Hates when people run their mouth and they have no idea what they are talking about.

   Haha I can see it now "pot stamps" for people that can't afford to buy their pot.

   These days: Smart Phones, Stupid People

   It's hilarious how sensitive people get when you ignore them....ON FACEBOOK!

   People who are offended when I breastfeed in public need to shut up. What I'm doing is natural and strengthens the bond between me and my dog.

   If I’ve learned anything from soap commercials, it’s that only attractive people take showers.

   100% of the people who got to apply algebra in their lives are now algebra teachers.

   it just me, or was music better when ugly people were allowed to make it?

   On my tombstone please write: more people not appreciating my puns and updates when I was alive was a grave mistake.

   Every girl I bring home is unemployed, drunk and on drugs. I'm starting to think that whole "opposites attract" thing is bullsh$t

   Some people's standards don't match their face.

   Facebook is great for reminding me why I lost touch with certain people in the first place.